Imagine a painting done in the style of pointillism.  All those tiny dots that when you view the canvas up close, it's messy, confusing and unclear.   Some of the dots are bright ,some dull, a loud cacophony of color with no apparent rhyme or reason for their placement or intensity.  Life can be like that.  When you are up close to your situation, living in it every day, the points of every encounter with others can be bright or muddy, soft or loud, sharp or smooth which can trigger a whole medley of emotional reactions from us as humans.  Some points are soft, and so inconsequential that they are hardly noticed, but leave a presence somehow on us anyway.  Some points are so intense, loud, consuming and can be even painful in a way that they overshadow any other "color" that we are trying to experience.  When one's world is consuming, messy, or unclear, there is something to be said for taking a few steps back.  To look again at the scene from some distance.  Like the pointillist painting, all the screaming dots, the muddy dots, the sharp dots and the quiet ones, when viewed from a perspective further away begin to make sense as a whole.  Gaining some distance between oneself and one's world often brings a type of clarity only provided by the space between. 

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I wish for you those things that make you blissfully happy, free, joyous and alive. Only you know what produces those things for you.  I do hope you continue to seek them, and when you find them, in those fleeting moments, hold on to them, as I feel you are doing.  Then go out and seek them stronger, so they will come to you more often.