Owning our story...

"Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it.  Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy-- the experiences that make us the most vulnerable.  Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light."
wise words from Dr. Brene Brown in her book The Gifts of Imperfection:  Letting Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are.

An attempt to treat an addiction...

I have this problem.  I find it incredibly easy to treat the challenges in my life with avoidance- and medicate them with the escapist technique of immersing myself in the stories of other peoples' lives portrayed by actors in movies and TV shows.  Netflix will be my downfall.

So, I tried something three weeks ago.   I drew what it feels like to watch as much TV as I sometimes do.  Here, what resulted was an image of my brain being sucked from me into the screen.  You know the feeling.  While drawing this, I became very aware at how creepy it all can be, and how much I might be loosing by engaging in extra screen time.  With that mindfulness an interesting thing resulted.  After drawing this, I had no interest in watching any form of TV or movie for about two and a half weeks.  What caused me to turn on the TV again?  Not wanting to face my own reality.  Perhaps its time to create another drawing….
Perhaps its time to create another drawing and put in ON the TV….  :) 

So… What is this project?

I am in my last semester of graduate work at SUNY Buffalo at the International Center for Studies in Creativity.  It has been a remarkable journey the last three years - full of the most life changing learning I have ever experienced.  The work I present in this blog is part of my final project to gain my M.S. degree. Here are a few words of explanation from my recently written concept paper:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

            Erroneously attributed to Nelson Mandela, the above quote was actually written by Marianne

Williamson in, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles", Ch. 7, Section 3 (1992) 190.  I found this quote shortly after graduating college twenty years ago, at a time when my path was full of exciting possibilities and vast opportunities.  This quote has held special meaning for many.  It was included in the movie Invictus, about Nelson Mandela and the South African Rugby team.  A secularized version was included in the film Coach Carter.   Now, I come back to this quote as an old friend, as a reminder because it is into that frightening light I seek to propel myself by doing this project. 
            The purpose of my master’s project is to further develop my painting and drawing skills and specific affective skills related to creativity (mindfulness and being aware of emotions) in exploration of the creative process and the necessary discipline involved in becoming  “an artist.”   In addition, using my own art making skills and affective skills as a base, I wish to discover how the creative process of art making combined with Creative Problem Solving can bring about emotional healing.   A far reaching goal or perhaps a wishful byproduct is to experience the empowering nature of creativity to build confidence and pave a way toward a personal sense of greater self-actualization.  It is from that place of greater self-actualization that I will become a more effective, more positive, and more experienced agent of creative change for others.