Start Now…

Getting over the fear of starting.

Funny how even though I have painted many paintings in the past, and am working quite well in my sketchbook…. I've had a hard time getting 'to the canvas' during this project.

Last weekend as one of my benchmark activities, I lead a group of paired adults and eighth graders in a banner making activity for the church where I attend and work.  I spent much of the weekend preparing, sanding and priming six hanging sheets of canvas - I had a seventh to do too, but I didn't touch it, interestingly -- I spent most of my time preparing, getting ready, planning what to say, the sequence of events for the two hour class time--  Thinking constantly about other people and how to get their creativity sparked--  ---All in all, it paid off, and was a great success.  Each of the five sets of an adult and a 13 year old were busily creating and painting on canvas, actively engaging their brains and energies into painting as a result of my teaching and guidance.  I was going to work on the sixth canvas I prepared and even began painting the ground color on it… but then gave it to another adult in the group who was participating but not part of the original class of 10 people.  He dove right in and was half way done with his composition within a half hour… The seventh canvas banner remains un-sanded, unprimed, without ground color… but I haven't been able to bring myself to start it either, even with an image in my mind of what to paint…

This morning, my Sounding Board Partner, Mariano, sent me an article about fear and creativity and how creativity is linked to certainty and uncertainty.index.html  (Thank you, dear friend!)
I realized that I am still stuck on product.  I am still thinking about the end result -and not focusing on the action and process of creating rather than what will result after creating.  The class this weekend was about process… I kept stressing that the end result was not as important as the willingness that they all had to show up and just try it.  They did, and it was amazing.

Now to take my own advice.

Last week I thought I needed an assignment.  That is how I have always done art in the past.  -- as an answer to a problem someone - usually a teacher or professor - sets out for me to solve.  A friend sent me an idea, a photo she wanted me to paint for someone.  I got excited, finally having a direction, or so I thought, and primed another canvas, got ready and put it on the easel and waited.

Its been a week.  Granted, a lot has been going on, but I haven't spent any time looking at that canvas on the easel or wanting to start it. I have been prepping other canvases for other people…  Uninspired, it became a chore to start.  After reading the article from Mariano this morning I took it off the easel.. quickly grabbed a canvas I had prepped two months ago, an inspiring blue and green one and painted START NOW on it.

Strangely, interestingly, I see a future in what will appear amongst that blue green surface.  I can feel my hand with a paint loaded brush stroke a thin wavy line across that space on that canvas, even now before I have done anything on it.  From that line, I feel and 'see' what will happen next, and next, and next….a strange, almost instant phenomenon is happening within me… It is almost as if the gate is opened with those words and I can feel the creative juice welling up inside being ready to pour out through my fingers on to that canvas.

Now to start… Today will be an interesting day…
Onward.